So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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