fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
