if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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