we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
