Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
