You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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