in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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