holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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