so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
