Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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