Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
