I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
