it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
