He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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