just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
