It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
