I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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