the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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