ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
