First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
