you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
