The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
