well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
