he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
