We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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