I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
