Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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