i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
