I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
