A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
