i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
