you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I came so hard my ears popped.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
