just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
