p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
