I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
