Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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