His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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