just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
