My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It was confusing and full of hummus
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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