if you like me you must not know who I am
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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