The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
