I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
