this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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