We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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