'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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