Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
