Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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