Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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