Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
And then my night got REAL pukey
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
