I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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